We all suffer from the correction factor. What do I mean by it? Lets say you go to work. And find that one of your colleagues is taking too long to do a routine job done. And we like the person but still in the back of our mind and sometimes vocally we find several different things that person could have done differently
If only that person was not so lazy or
He or she is not just thinking properly or
He or she probably had a rough evening or should lay off the booze or
Why cant that person follow the same steps I do…it works
Now in the case of the spouse it becomes a lot worse. Not only do we find the innumerable flaws but also express it. And that will create conflicts and aggravation. Once you find fault, the other person finds counter faults…and your neighbor and friends and relatives have free entertainment plus gossip provided by you.
I learnt something very important when I was young. I was about 12 years old and I found that one of the cleaning person did not do a good job or had misplaced my stuff. I got very angry and upset. My father heard me….and he said, well, if you really want things like that not to happen, you always have the option to do it yourself. And that stuck with me. If something goes wrong, the first step and duty we have is to ourself. Dont get upset. Do the job yourself in that case. So I look at it differently when someone does not do it the way I thought it should be
I will not correct the other person. If needed, I will make suggestions. As a thought. Usually that does not go well anyway
I try to get rid of my anger or why I am upset. Often times, you will find there is a personal ego or vanity that was responsible for it.
The situation was created by God….An opportunity to learn patience and correct myself
When someone tries to correct you, dont get angry. It may or may not be criticism. But think it over, try to see the other persons perspective and if there is validity, accept it. The amount of anger we get when someone tries to point out our flaws is directly related to the ego we have. Get rid of it. Even if the person is totally wrong about you, remember that person had a different upbringing.
Aurobindo made a powerful statement. He said, dont try to correct someone. If you want to correct someone, just do it with your spiritual power but dont use words. Isnt that more beautiful? And when you try to do that, you will discover, your flaws. We like to get angry, upset, shout, blame and secretly want the other person to continue their wrong ways and suffer. We say, what do I care? That is not right either.