I used to cry a lot!

When I was 12 years old I started daily prayers. I had my yagnopavit done at age of 8. Now when you get yagnopavit you are told to do 3 Gayatri mala a day ( 108 x 3). Initially I did it but then fell off.
But in 8 grade I started doing it again. And then did Mahimna Stotra. And a few other routine shlokas. I would do this daily before going to school. It is a lot of time for a child to spend before going to school

Somehow I got the strong desire to read Gita. But I was not very proficient in Any other language except English. Somehow someone left a copy of Gita for me in English ( rare in India) it was left in a hotel room. I took it

And then I met dineshuncle. I got very interested in spirituality and in finding a Guru I would cry daily for a Guru. This went on for years. Then I did a very unique and special mala and within a year the Guru appeared. He scolded me I was taken aback. I could not understand his words. My faith was taken aback. But once again dineshuncle rescued me. He explained what Gurudev meant. And then it dawned on me this person is it.
This person is greater than any person ever

My days of crying for a Guru was over. But the mind has various doubts in the way. I tested him from long distance. Many times. Foolishly. But he was kind and did amazing things

I do not recommend anyone test a modern day Guru. There is no one of that caliber right now You will be disappointed. I was just extremely lucky to find my Guru. Put ten levels of Neem Karoli Baba

Anyway then he tested me for 10 years. It was very difficult. But those tests were very needed

Anyway. The point is a true Guru does not readily accept. And it takes time to find one. The disciple has to be tested at many many levels of purity. This brahmavidya is not ordinary. It is wonderful. It is incredible. It is amazing. It is the highest. It is a divine existence. When you get it you know you have it. This is not meant for the masses. Maybe one or two in a few billion people. Many will try. Few will get it.
As it is stated in Gita. We don’t have the necessary purity or love for God. Or the strong enough desire. The desire stronger than sex craving and money craving and the love for your child added together
Ramkrishna had that strong desire. So much he could bear life without God. So when his Guru appeared it took him 3 seconds. He has to wait for many years too for the Guru Totapuri to appear

In the mean time keep working hard. All the great Guru are there They know our efforts. And will send someone in flesh at the right time. Then who knows, all you may need is 3 seconds

And that is the story of my tears
And my tears turned into pearls

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